Girl Cooties

I've not been to a Mormon singles event in years. Until last night …

A Very Gay Transcript

A heads-up: a web/e-mail friendly transcript of the Very Gay Podcast is available at my YouPublish site: A Very Gay Transcript. It’s available (like the podcast itself) for anyone to use, under a Creative Commons license.

That is all.

A Totally Gay Podcast

I was recently interviewed by Nine Moons founder Rusty Clifton about my being gay and active in the church — and about California's Proposition 8. If you've got 45 minutes, give it a listen…

Listen to the podcast…

NB: This post is cross-posted from Nine Moons: A Totally Gay Podcast, please join us over there to comment!

Medals per Million … and Matthew Mitcham

( I love alliteration )

So a think tank, whose work I follow, has an interesting post on their blog about medals counts at this year's Beijing games. It's a recurring theme. Every two years, folks from the left side of the political spectrum trot out the whole "medals per million" argument. I used to fall for it, but I don't any more. It's not that I'm any smarter now — or that my progressive political credentials are any less valid. It's two things, really: I'm tired of my political kin apologizing for the things America does well. We have plenty to apologize for anyway, no need to add legitimate strengths to the pile; also, the metric they're using is horribly flawed.

As I noted in my comment on their post:

While I wholeheartedly agree that raw medals count is a fairly useless metric — and one we choose because it suits our own aspirations and strengths — I'd have to submit that medals per capita is equally (though differently) useless.

In order for a small country to compete on the raw medals count, it would have to win everything it entered and it would have to field just as many athletes as larger nations. Which is unlikely. For a large country to compete on the per-capita scale, the Olympic games themselves would have to be vastly larger in order for countries to field a number of athletes commensurate to their size. In other words, for the US to best the Bahamas on a per capita basis (6.67/MM) they would have to enter and medal in 2,001 events… China would have to enter and medal in 10,005 events.

Neither is achievable.

A more reasonable measurement of success would be significantly more difficult, as it would likely pit nations of similar populations or GDPs against each other in a ranking that would also measure some other factors such as number of athletes fielded and the like.

In the end, I think the best thing to do is to enjoy the Olympics in the spirit they're intended. Rooting for the glory of the sport first… our homeland or other demographic second (if at all). And letting all rivalries be friendly ones.

Of course, I used the term "demographic" purposefully. I not only came to the games as a red blooded American — but as a Mormon and a gay man, as well. So I rooted for Phelps and the BYU, er… American Volleyball team… and for Matthew Mitcham.

What? You don't Mitcham? Well, aside from being a gold medalist on the 10 meter platform — and an Australian — Matthew is, arguably, one of the only openly gay men to ever medal.

Here's a montage of his 10 meter dives:



and another of his post-gold TV interview — the young man to his left is his partner of two years, Lachlan Fletcher:

A Gay Mormon Thanks President Hinckley

This morning, I came across a post at Ex-gay Watch (hat-tip: Northern Lights) that mentioned the passing of President Hinckley. Several dozen comments followed, including one commenter who wished President Hinckley “good riddance”.

I replied, of course, at length… but the salient part of my comment was this:

My own life [out, celibate, and active] very much reflects the positive influence that President Hickley had on the Church in this area, and I don’t wish him good riddance, but happy trails and fond reunions with his wife and parents.

It’s true, really. In the last 15 years, the strides made by the Church with regards to embracing its gay members have been marked. And for that (among many things), I can’t thank President Hinckley enough.

NB: This post is cross-posted from Nine Moons: A Gay Mormon Thanks President Hinckley, please join us over there to comment!

National Coming-out Day

I first admitted to myself that I was gay — and not that I just dug guys — when I was 23. I had returned from serving a full-time mission to Montréal Canada for the Church and had been at BYU for just over a year. It was late at night, and I and a friend were up into the wee hours chatting about all sorts of things when, from nowhere, he asked if I were gay. I paused... groped for an answer... then stuttered "yes". And from there began my inexorable journey to full disclosure. Today, I am out to any who care to know. I don't announce it from the rooftops, but if the topic of dating or the like comes up, my being gay will likely come up. All my coworkers and neighbors know... my mom and siblings know... my friends in my ward know, as do countless others.

It wasn't always like that, though. In junior and senior high school, I knew I dug guys, but never considered myself gay because everyone knew that gay men were pedophiles and wore leather. So how could I be gay? On my mission, I'm guessing everyone but me knew... but no one ever said anything. And then it all changed that one night over at Don's place. The next morning — Sunday — I went and spoke to my bishop, confiding in him, and he thanked me. He was especially grateful because Adam, my house- and room-mate, had come to him earlier that week begging for help, as he was convinced that I had a crush on him (I did), and my bishop had no idea how to breach the subject.

Hehe.

A little over ten years have passed since then... and I am no longer weighed-down by that secret, but instead live life with confidence — and even, sometimes, with grace.

I'm thankful to the friend who asked — but even more so to my Father in Heaven and my Savior, Jesus Christ, who have comforted and guided me my whole life, and in whom I have an abiding faith.

So there you go: my coming-out story... and a testimony.

For me, they go hand in hand.

I Think My Son May Be Gay

Recently, I received a letter from a mother. She recalled finding some questionable (though largely innocent) Google searches in her home computer's history. She and her husband talked to each of their children, their son tearfully confessed that they were his. She and her husband begged him to come to them if he had such questions in the future. A little while later, she found a few more searches of a more graphic nature. She then spoke about other things in his life that led her to believe that he might be questioning his sexuality. She apologized profusely but asked what advice I might offer.

After struggling for a few days with what to say, I finally sat-down late one evening to write. Four hours, 2000 words, and a few prayers later, I was done. With her permission, I share the letter with you, hoping that others might benefit.

Good evening.

I must admit to being both flattered and utterly overwhelmed by your request. But I will tackle it as best I can... I do pray that there is value in my response, and that the Spirit improves upon it.

I apologize in advance for being pedantic — it's because I don't know anything about you or your family dynamic. I don't know whether you're a good mother (though I imagine you are) or whether your husband is a good father (though I imagine he is). I pray that both of you are kind, supportive, and loving parents... that you show your love, to borrow from the hymn, in both word and deed, and that your children know that they are loved and appreciate what a precious gift that is. I also apologize for stating the obvious... and for addressing issues of sex and sexuality in a frank manner.


So. Let's dig in...

Boys of all ages are curious creatures. They are curious about the world around them, and — perhaps more-so — about their own bodies in all their messy glory. Penises, farts, mouths, fingers, eyes, boogers — all are sources of endless wonder — much to the astonishment of dads (who often forget what being a boy is all about) and moms (who can barely handle their husbands' muted fascination with all things scatological). Your son, whom I'll call Forrest (one of my all-time favorite boy names), is probably no different... I would encourage you to leave room in your heart and mind for the very real chance that the online forays were nothing more than internet-enabled efforts to sate an insatiable curiosity.

That being said, the internet is not a wise place to go hunting for innocent information on sex or the body. There are just too many poisonous sites out there. And inasmuch as you will not likely curb his curiosity any time soon, I would strongly suggest purchasing filtering and notification software. I co-founded a software company that designed such software — but that was years ago, and I don't know what the state of the industry is these days. If you can, I would look for software that uses white lists, watch words, black lists, and human intelligence to filter. Use software that can send parents information of attempts at accessing blocked information by account holders — preferably with each user having their own private account. Finally, computer(s) should be in public areas in the home. No filter is perfect, and having bodies around when you're surfing is a good deterrent. Do the children have individual accounts on the computer? Barring the purchase of filtering software, I would encourage you at the very least to give each child their own account — so you can more accurately assess and address problems.

The fact that you found additional sites upon further inspection, and that these sites were of a decidedly more graphic nature, is not encouraging — but I remind you again that these additional sites may also be nothing more than (inappropriate) curiosity. I would also submit that the first set and the second set of traces may not be from the same individual.

So let's move-on, and — for the sake of discussion — let's assume that Forrest is responsible for all the questionable internet surfing. Let's also assume that he is, at the very least, questioning his own sexuality.

I don't envy him...

Humans are pack animals — it's in our genes — and we will go to great lengths to ensure that our packs are filled with fellows of a like mind. And children — who have yet to fully develop higher brain functions associated with logic and consequence appreciation — are very effective at singling-out the odd birds. Sometimes it's a cold shoulder... sometimes it's verbal... and sometimes it's physical. The primal urges that incite these reactions are the same ones that scream to us: don't stand out! don't be different! Forrest isn't being difficult — he's just doing what he thinks is essential to survive in the pack at school, the pack at church, and the one at home.

Only sweeping changes in social norms will effect change in the school pack... but you can effect change in the church and — to a much greater degree — home packs.

On the church front, I would — carefully, and hopefully under the influence of the Spirit — share with ward and auxiliary leaders that you have suspicions that a number of the children in your ward may be questioning their orientation. Refuse to give specifics, but suggest that making the ward as safe as possible for questioning youth to come to their leaders should be a high priority — because children need to be safe to speak about what's in their hearts and minds if parents and leaders are ever going to be effective in their callings as educators and exemplars.

At home, I would take certain steps to make certain that the language used — especially by yourself and your husband — reinforces a supportive environment. That means that "gay" can't be a slur or a synonym for "stupid" or "worthless"; it means that "faggot" or "fag" are never ever used. It also means avoiding pet names for human sexuality or the body — a practice that reinforces the idea that sexuality and our bodies are something to hate, shun, or fear. Fear stifles communication and distorts understanding; fear is the enemy of truth and light.

Forrest is likely to wonder whether he would be disowned or thrown out of the house if you perceived that he was gay. I would make certain through oblique and direct reference that he understands that he will always have a home with you and that you think parents who do such things are monsters — or, at the very least, horribly horribly misguided. This isn't as hard as you might think — our society is currently enthralled by all things gay, and commenting on stories you see in a way that conveys the message of unconditional love should be fairly straight-forward.

Forrest, I imagine, is pretty bright. He'll probably see right through your efforts.

And that's okay.

Kids get a kick out of parents being oblique, because it makes the children feel smart and insightful... and as long as your efforts are not hypocritical or seen as self-serving, you'll likely experience success.

Of course, it can't be all gay all the time, because that will wear both you and the children out... instead, this effort should be part of a new commitment to open communication in your family. I'm certain you can think of other issues that could use a little daylight — both positive and problematic.

So we've assumed that Forrest is questioning his orientation... now let's assume that he's confided in you.

What next?

He should know that you won't keep secrets from your spouse. If he tells you first, you should offer to tell his father.

Now this is where it becomes a little tricky: orientation is a complex creature, and because he's young, and because his self-perception is based on incomplete data, he should be given as much room as possible to be straight. If there is any chance that he can live as a healthy and honest straight man, that should be fostered. Fostered — but in a way that doesn't discount his eternal value based of his final orientation. With this in mind, there are the very real consequences in whom he choses to tell: the likelihood that most people — especially his peers — will differentiate between "I think I might be gay" and "I'm gay" is low. Which means that the reaction he will likely get will based on the latter, rather than the former. Depending on their upbringing, their maturity, and their personal experiences, those whom he tells will react differently — but all of their reactions will likely be towards Forrest as a gay youth. People unfriendly towards gays will be provoked and people friendly towards gays will be encouraging. Neither reaction is what you want, as neither reaction will give Forrest the space he needs to come to his own conclusions. To this end, Forrest should be encouraged to keep the matter to himself. How you do that, though, may make all the difference in how he perceives the request.

So you know and your husband knows. You should find out who else knows and prayerfully consider whom else to tell — with Forrest being the final arbiter on any further disclosure. Should your bishop know? Maybe. What about his scout master? Probably not. In the end, you want adults to know who are discrete and supportive of this enlightened version of the wait-and-see approach — but only if they bring real value to the table.

You should also make certain that your interactions with him don't change markedly. He's still the same boy he was a week ago. Balance this, of course, with his need for you to talk about it. Too many parents show that "it's no big deal" by never raising the subject again — which is sure to signal rejection to the child.

Children need to talk things through in order to understand them... and so do parents!

: )

Now that you know, it would be good to join — quietly, perhaps — a group of parents dealing with similar issues. In Utah, the Family Fellowship is the place to go. I know the founders... I also know the current leaders, Gary and Millie Watts, and they are an amazing couple. They, and the other parents in the group, will prove to be a wonderful resource for you and your husband. Here's their contact information:

http://www.ldsfamilyfellowship.org/


When Forrest returns from his mission, you should revisit where he's at with his orientation. For the sake of further discussion, let's assume he has come to the conclusion that he's gay.

Ask when he plans on telling his siblings and extended family — and offer to help. Let him know that you hope he will carefully come to full disclosure. Disclosure is important, but needs to be done on his terms. There is no reason to force the issue, and he should know that you have his back completely on this. If there are potential problem areas that you can foresee, share these. Secrets canker the soul and destroy relationships... but the truth also has consequences — often unforeseen.

I think this is far enough for our scenario... I do hope, though, that should he choose to date, that you would include his dates in your family life as much as you would any of your other children's dates. Beyond that, well... let's cross that road when we get there. This e-mail is already very long.

---

Some miscellaneous advice:

His Relations with Other Boys — The boy/boy dynamic is hard enough between straight boys, but will be put to the test should Forrest start questioning his orientation. He should be taught to respect other boys' boundaries, but to otherwise not obsess about all the what-ifs... and he should be encouraged to develop a sense of humor to defray awkward situations. The locker room, sleep-overs, group dates, and the like will all pose interesting challenges. With some guidance from you and the Spirit, he'll likely come through all of these with a better understanding of people, a deeper appreciation of our differences, and a few funny stories.

Masturbation — Forrest likely masturbates. He also probably fantasizes about others when he does. He's certain to feel guilty about it, and will likely think that masturbation is a sign that he's gay. Since most boys masturbate, this doesn't make sense — but Forrest probably thinks that he's the only one that does it.

This is probably not a conversation you should have with Forrest. This is definitely dad's area. Might I suggest, though, that he treat masturbation and fantasizing as two different issues? Despite its sexual nature, I would encourage you to treat masturbation as a matter of self control, and not perversion. I've heard parents talk of masturbation like it was actually fornication (or worse) — and that doesn't do anyone any good.

On the fantasy front, I've found it helpful to talk through how fantasizing about people objectifies them — makes them less than children of God... And that fantasies, even though they are private, change the way we interact with people in real life.

This is also a good time to talk about wet dreams. Chances are high that he's having wet dreams — especially if he's not masturbating. The body has to dispose of the copious amounts of semen it creates, and wet dreams are one of the most efficient ways of doing it. Recent studies suggests that some wet dreams are after-the-fact — that men ejaculate before having the explanatory dream. This is useful for young men to know, to curb the desire to fantasize themselves into a wet dream and to salve the guilt associated with them. Of course, this isn't always the case, and young men should be reminded that dreams are largely out of their control — but that fantasy masquerading as dreams is still fantasy.

(Good heavens! This is heavy stuff...)

Sex — Forrest is a teenager, so the chance that he's having sex is real. Forrest needs to know that oral and anal sex (whether as the penetrator or as the penetrated ) pose a high risk of sexually transmitted disease. It's hard to say "don't have sex" and "get checked for STDs" in the same sentence... but it would be tragic if a stupid decision by a teenager had lasting and irreparable consequences. It would be especially tragic if they could have been avoided by a simple and inexpensive test. The Utah AIDS Foundation is a wonderful resource on the subject of STDs — but you should know that they are a sex-positive organization. They have to be to be effective.

http://utahaids.org/


Grief & Loss — Should you learn Forrest is gay, you will not only have to deal with that, but with the loss of the dreams you had for him. Should Forrest come to that point, he, too, will have to mourn the future he will not have. Each of you should be ready to deal with that loss and the attendant mourning. But mourning the death of a lost future doesn't have to mean resenting reality. This article on the classic "five stages of grief" may prove useful:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Stages_of_Grief


Alright... that's all for now. It's a lot longer than I had expected. I tried to be candid — I pray it's useful. I'm always, of course, available should either you or your husband have any questions.

God bless you in this journey.

The Socio-sexual Matrix… IV

Mm-kay... I've updated the genitalia facet to reflect four modalities: male, female, ambiguous, and altered — altered being the new state to accommodate man's interventions. This is in preparation for a small, multi-page booklet to accompany the matrix.

NB: All drafts are available in my public Box.net folder, and other posts on the subject are (of course) available via the socio-sexual matrix topic category.

The Socio-sexual Matrix: Now with Fecundity!

So... part three in a continuing series of updates! With so many updates, this feels more like software than a way of capturing the vagueries of one's socio-sexual identity.

Anyway, I realized that I had failed to include facets that reflect the desire and ability one has to procreate. A deficit Which I've now rectified — with the Draft 03. There are now three closely-related facets in the "viagra blue" section: procreative capacity (can I have/make children), libido (do I want to have sex), and procreative urge — do I want to have/make children. Please note that libido and procreative urge are distinct (albeit related) facets.

More to come, I'm certain.

In the meantime, feedback is welcome!

NB: All drafts are available in my public Box.net folder, and other posts on the subject are (of course) available via the socio-sexual matrix topic category.

The (Socio-sexual) Matrix... Reloaded

I don't mean to post twice in a row on the same subject… but I had such great feedback, that I just had to update the graphic. You'll notice that ranges of options are now much more obvious, and that "other" and "ambiguous" are now discreet options on their respective facets — I'm still mulling that second choice. Are "other" and "ambiguous" really discrete? Hm...

The new question I'm trying to tackle, though, is whether fertility is a facet of the socio-sexual matrix. Thoughts?

NB: All drafts are available in my public Box.net folder, and other posts on the subject are (of course) available via the socio-sexual matrix topic category.

Introducing the (Latest) Socio-sexual Matrix

It all started a few years back when I was confronted with the inadequacy of our language to fully describe — and the mind, therefore, to either parse or grok — one's socio-sexual condition.

So I got to thinking …and sketching.

With time, I came to the belief not in a spectrum of sexuality (straight–gay), but a nuanced matrix. I first wrote about it a couple of years back in my essays on being a gay Mormon (see Part I). I even put together a rough information graphic, but it's been lost somewhere in the shuffle. Since then, I've continued to think about the matrix and refine it. And then, this last week, a dear friend asked a question about gender or some such, and I decided it was time to flesh-out a new draft of the matrix (PDF).

Download the graphic…

You'll notice that the matrix features nine facets — core gender, genitalia (and secondary sexual characteristics), genetics, orientation, libido, focus, commitment, (approach to) social norms, and (approach to) sex norms. Each of these facets, in turn, feature a number of manifestations. Some are discrete manifestations, while others are harder to define — being more like a cloud of choice, or a point along a spectrum. From core gender, moving clock-wise, each grouping — yellows, green, blue, pinks — represents increasingly malleable states of being.

For sake of simplicity, this graphic doesn't address related issues of inputs and the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) changes that come about over time.

NB: All drafts are available in my public Box.net folder, and other posts on the subject are (of course) available via the socio-sexual matrix topic category.

Merging Faith & Self

An article which ran in this morning's Provo Daily Herald, highlights the disparate experiences of gays at BYU by highlighting the stories of three gay cougars — one current student and two alumni. I know a few of the people interviewed, and I thought it might be of interest to more than a couple of my readers.

Not Gay.

So, I interrupt the series on my recent trip to London to bring you a little mirth... namely, to introduce you to my favorite comic — whose strip today (story arch begins here) made me laugh out loud.

I'd recommend starting at the beginning (which, um, looks a little different) — or, at the very least, reading-up on the characters. You can even check-out the PVP entry at Wikipedia.

For any of my readers worried that this comic strip may be risqué... um, it's ME, folks... though not a children's comic, this is definitely PG material.

Baying at the New Moon

So I was just notified by one of my kind readers, that the links to the series of posts I wrote over at Nine Moons (back in the day) were broken.

Well, I couldn't have that... so I did a little digging, and discovered that the inimitable Rusty of Nine Moons fame had moved his archives... so I just needed to update my links. And because some of you might not think to check there, I'll list the posts (with the new-and-improved links!) below. You know, for posterity.

And a reminder: as with everything I write here, these posts reflect a specific time in my life — the time when I wrote them — and they may not completely reflect my current thinking. Just stating the obvious.

• My Hall of Famers


• Voices in My Head (A Series on Being Gay & Mormon)
  
  
  
  • Introduction
  
  
  • Part I: What is "Gay"?
  
  
  • Part II: On Doctrine & the Great Plan of Happiness
  
  
  • Part III: The Church Going Forward
  
  
  • Part IV: Thoughts on the Modern Gay
  
  
  
  


• Marriage Is for Breeders
  
  
  
  • Introduction: Marriage is for Breeders
  
  
  • Marriage is for Breeders, Part I: Defining Marriage
  
  
  • Marriage is for Breeders, Part II: Marriage in the Social Contract
  
  
  • Marriage is for Breeders, Part III: Shooting the Messenger
  
  
  • Marriage is for Breeders, Part IV: Where I Stand
  
  
  • Marriage is for Breeders, Part V: Q&A
  
  
  
  

On to Weightier Matters

I'm a little disgusted with myself.

You see, when I started this blog, I had a mind to use it as a place for me to opine on some of the larger issues our society faces... and, if all went well, I hoped that my posts might foster some dialog. But I've only tackled a couple of larger issues ( being gay and Mormon, gay marriage ) in any depth — and off-site, no less! And the couple of times that I've discussed issues of import here ( Israel's opportunistic attacks on Lebanon, and America's lack of moral authority on the matter ), it's only been in passing.

I want to change that. So here goes: I'm going to raise a couple issues here that I'll address in the weeks to come — hoping that having this post out there will prod me to overcome my inertia.

• National Security: This will likely be a several-part series... as it's a topic I've thought about for some time.
• Gay & Mormon: This is the essay I promised several months back that would revisit and fine-tune the ideas I put forward during my first guest blogging stint over at Nine Moons.
• Re-engaging the Electorate: This is an issue that's dear to my heart, and I'd like to chat about it, at length.
• The Power Matrix: I have a pet theory about how nation's operate that I've been noodling for nearly 15 years... I think it's time to let it see the light of day.

So there you go. Wish me luck.

Missing Boy Wonder

So Boy Wonder is out of town for the summer — testing his wings and making new friends. He'll return in September, but that doesn't keep me from missing him now.

It's funny, really... our first date was three months back, and since then we've chatted daily (we're both online during the day for work), and gone out every week... but we still managed to keep it casual. We were never boyfriends, and we weren't even officially "dating" ... of course, that doesn't change the fact that I've got a hole in my life that is aching to be salved.

But no worries.

It's kind of nice to know that people can still affect me that way... that I can wrap my heart around someone... that people can play an important part of my life. I can so easily be caught-up in more cerebral pursuits, that I fear (sometimes) that I couldn't possibly love someone. That somehow I'd forgotten how. But that's just nonsense... we're all profoundly social creatures, and I'm no different — and certainly not as special as I'd like to think, sometimes.

Anyway... be good, Boy Wonder... and I'll see you later this summer!

Ecclesiastes 7:13

"Consider the work of God: for who can make straight what He has made crooked?"

I saw this over on Andy's blog, The Last Debate... and it struck a chord in me. I'm not sure which chord, but reading it in the context Andy presented it just seemed profoundly a propos.

Esprit d'Escalier: On Gays Being Better Parents

So, I was leaving stake conference this afternoon, when I ran into CE... he's a great guy, and active in many of the same circles (read: gay and Mormon) I am. We got to talking about all sorts of things, but somehow the conversation came around to gay marriage. I don't much care for the gay marriage movement as currently constituted, and I told him as much — thinking that he and I were of the same mind on the subject. I was wrong.

Yeah, I know.

It was a little awkward for a split second... but we just dove into talking about it. He was taken aback by my stance, frankly, and said as much... and though I would like to give a point-by-point analysis of our discussion, I don't have the time. And if I had the time, I don't think it would be fair to CE, as he wouldn't be able to fully participate.

But there was one thing that he said that kinda stuck with me. He commented (and I'm paraphrasing, so I hope I get the sentiment right) that many of the gay couples he knew would be superior in every regard to many of the hetero couples out there that were so horribly broken... and though I said something to him, there, I came to a more cogent thought later... namely: Yes, there are many great gay couples out there... but I imagine that this is more a product of adversity winnowing-out the not-so-great couples, rather than some innate ability of the gay to parent. I submit that with time and a removal of some of the obstacles that gays face in rearing children, that we're bound to see an increase in the number gay parents. And with that increase, I submit, we'll see the percentage of "awful" gay parents compared to the general gay parent population approaching the percentages we see among hetero parents... and that gay parents will prove to be just as likely to be rotten, selfish, and mean-spirited as their hetero counterparts.

Anyway, I just had to put my thoughts to "paper" before they flit away.

I now return you to your regularly-scheduled programming.

Happy (Late) Valentine's Day!

So... I hope you had a great Valentine's Day.

Oh, me? Well, thank you for asking...

I rented a car Tuesday morning to make the evening a little special (not to mention comfortable). I got a Jeep Liberty (which seemed appropriate, as we were going over the mountain to Park City for dinner)... Anyway, I left work early to run errands, and discovered that the car smelled of wet cigarettes (ew!)... so while I was out and about, I swapped-out the rental ( a little silver Jeep Liberty ) for a car that didn't have the added feature of causing nausea ( a little black Jeep Liberty ). Then I rushed home and straightened-up the place a bit and changed clothes.

A little after 6:30 he called to say that he was 10 minutes out... so I hopped downstairs to the Italian market and purchased a couple of fancy-schmancy sodas for the road, and a handful of Italian candies ( two "kisses" and to "devil's balls" ).

Anyway, my date gets cold easily, so I put a sheep's skin throw ( I've got several — I love those things! ) on his seat, and brought down a nice lap blanket that I purchased in Iceland... in case he got cold. When he arrived, the car was ready, and a mixed-CD that I'd burned especially for the drive to Park City was in the player... So we climbed in and hit the road. It was a lovely drive, and he held my hand most of the way... which really made my evening. We chatted about all sorts of things — school and work and life — and when we arrived, we walked to the restaurant (Café Terigo) holding hands.

I don't much care for kissing in public (regardless of orientation), but I love holding hands. Love love love it.

Dinner was nice... an opener of coconut-crusted shrimp with a vinegar dipping sauce, a shared pasta papparadelle with chicken sausage, and a shared chocolate crème brullée ( I've decided that I don't like crème brullée... this was a perfect specimen, but I just don't like the caramel shell... anyway... ). After dinner, we walked Park City's Main Street, holding hands and chatting — and popping into the occasional art gallery that was still open. We then drove around looking at the big homes before heading down the mountain.

Back at my place, we came-up to my loft, where we talked and cuddled... then I gave him a small gift and sent him home before it got too late (and before I got too caught-up in the moment to mind my Ps & Qs).

So there you have it... a perfect evening with an amazing guy. Needless to say, I was on cloud nine for some time after he left. Yeah, I know that I'm a hopeless romantic... but that's okay by me.

My Second Guest-Blogging Stint.

So I'm back over at

Nine Moons

for the next few days with a series on gay marriage. Author's Note: For future reference, here are my posts…

• Introduction: Marriage is for Breeders


• Marriage is for Breeders, Part I: Defining Marriage


• Marriage is for Breeders, Part II: Marriage in the Social Contract


• Marriage is for Breeders, Part III: Shooting the Messenger


• Marriage is for Breeders, Part IV: Where I Stand


• Marriage is for Breeders, Part V: Q&A

PS... Updated the links. Rusty moved his archives. New links should work.