tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12806254.post8050782620217387291..comments2023-09-07T05:34:27.794-06:00Comments on Silus Grok: I Think My Son May Be GaySilus Grokhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10934750518150584644noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12806254.post-85829264906491868102007-10-12T13:00:00.000-06:002007-10-12T13:00:00.000-06:00Silus,forgive the length of this comment. This is...Silus,<BR/>forgive the length of this comment. <BR/><BR/>This is an important topic that doesn't get addressed often enough or in the correct way. I have tried to address this subject in my scouting discussions (as scoutmaster) and it is difficult ground to trod. <BR/><BR/>Re: the well-written letter, I especially agree with Greg re: his compliments to you in your thoughtfulness, as well as the encouragement for families to seek to understand and teach doctrinal principles regarding this topic of relationships and sexuality.<BR/><BR/>I don't have as much experience with the parent-labeling-child "gay" issue. I am sure that would be one for much prayer and fasting, regarding when, how, and if. I do agree that parents should be exceptionally supportive and loving to each child, realizing that the topic of sexuality and gender is very central to God's plan, and like already mentioned, there will be a place in God's presence for all people who keep themselves worthy to stand in His presence. And that may mean celibacy in this life for people who are attracted to people of the same gender. <BR/><BR/>I believe people with these tendencies have a great opportunity to prove themselves to God and to themselves that they can be obedient children of Heavenly Father even with such a daunting and sometimes overwhelming trial. <BR/><BR/>Some of my advice may be as follows: <BR/>You may feel at times you are living in your own realm, not one of supportive gay people loving and giving themselves to other gay people, and not able to enter the realm of a family as a father and husband as God has set forth; but in a realm of people who are needing to make the most of the other avenues of life and forgo intimacy until the next life. <BR/><BR/>I feel that an eternal perspective is quintessential to overcoming this trial, knowing that God will help you in this life or the next to fulfill His plan of being an eternal companion with the opposite sex someday. In the meantime, be the best you can be. Try to develop yourself in every good way and serve the Lord and others, knowing you may feel very alone quite often. That's when family and friend support becomes more important to gay people trying to live worthily.<BR/><BR/>At the risk of being too simplistic, there are, in many people's minds, two parties... on the one side, people who accept gay people and feel that it is not wrong to act on such urges. The other being those who don't tolerate it and feel that it is a sin. <BR/>In God's true Church, I would hope we would form a third party, that of loving and accepting people with all of their trials and weaknesses as well as strengths and abilities while understanding that acting on the gay tendencies is wrong and can be repented of. Let us judge between good and evil, realizing that judging of people is God's business.<BR/><BR/>May the Lord be with all of those who struggle with this trial to be valiant and strong in their isolation. I feel that this may be one of the most difficult trials God asks His children to endure. There may be possibly-necessary isolation in this life in order for us to not be isolated from God in the next life. And be strengthened by the love God gives you and by the people who love and accept you.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your letter, Silus. Your concern for others is evident.SkyTanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08442008869361995718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12806254.post-774766987873334822007-10-10T09:49:00.000-06:002007-10-10T09:49:00.000-06:00I like the advice near the beginning of the post t...I like the advice near the beginning of the post to give the child plenty of room and opportunity to be straight. Some people will argue that giving a young person the freedom to explore the full range of sexuality increases the likelihood that the young person will associate him/herself with the correct sexual orientation. I would caution against an approach of exploration for exploration's sake. <BR/><BR/>Even if a person experiences same-sex attraction at an early age, people construct an understanding of themselves as they mature. Applying labels of counter-normative sexuality to ourselves, or allowing others to apply labels to ourselves early on can be counterproductive, because it solidifies an outsider status, perhaps unnecessarily. <BR/><BR/>In the case of sexual orientation, I'd have to say that there are so many benefits to fitting the heterosexual paradigm, if only from a pragmatic standpoint of living in the world we live in. Membership in the LDS church compounds the difficulty of homosexuality.<BR/><BR/>Being a member of the church and having feelings of same sex attraction is a very difficult mix, that I think anyone who feels same-sex attraction struggles with. What it boils down to, in an LDS doctrinal sense, is that there is no provision for the continuation of homosexuality in the afterlife as we think of it here. If a person chooses to align his/her identity with sexual urges that don't fit the procreative family unit, that identity will need to be abandoned at some point, whether in this life or the next, at least if we're talking about the goal of reaching one's fullest spiritual potential. <BR/><BR/>So if there's a chance that the young person is just curiously exploring things, don't label it prematurely as homosexuality or even homosexual tendencies. Not yet anyway. I mean, if it continues, and there has been no change of course, I wouldn't encourage denial of the situation, because that's unhealthy for other reasons, but labels--especially stigmatizing labels--stick, and profoundly influence a person doing the formative years. <BR/><BR/>--<BR/><BR/>But through it all, no matter the outcome, don't be guided by fear. Don't let fear be the motivator for any of your actions. Don't be ashamed of your child. If God is loving, and I believe God is, there is a reason for everything, and a loving motivation behind it. Tap into that. It will provide the strength necessary to make it through the hard times, and to continue to love people even when they hurt us or disappoint us.<BR/><BR/>And leave plenty of room to feel that love yourself.Paul Bohmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08890413936261995973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12806254.post-82500141863011276562007-10-09T10:38:00.000-06:002007-10-09T10:38:00.000-06:00This is a very heavy issue. I think you tackled it...This is a very heavy issue. I think you tackled it with with great clarity and sensitivity. Unconditional love, along with tactful parenting skills seem to be the key. I might also add that chosing your battles very wisely as a parent is important--that is, not over/under-reacting, and not making a non-issue into a serious problem. <BR/><BR/>Good for you.Jasonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06281359485921571009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12806254.post-9308467819286278002007-10-08T15:10:00.000-06:002007-10-08T15:10:00.000-06:00Silus great post. Good advice for those parents w...Silus great post. Good advice for those parents who face a very difficult challenge with their children. Not sure I agree with mohohawaii's "we promise to listen and not try to tell you what to do" advice. I feel parents should lovingly listen to their children and then lovingly advise, teach, and counsel them to the best of their ability in accordance to the spirit.Lukehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16932101127888917922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12806254.post-53907027402589761402007-10-08T11:00:00.000-06:002007-10-08T11:00:00.000-06:00Well done, that's a lot of great advice. I wonder ...Well done, that's a lot of great advice. I wonder if you might also want to address the whole Mormon doctrine problem. I don't understand how a person can accept that God made them gay and yet believe that homosexual acts are a sin.<BR/><BR/>This mother will need to help her son understand he must never have sex with men if he wants to live with his family forever in the celestial kingdom.<BR/><BR/>Either that, or join a less cruel church like the Unitarians.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12806254.post-73069316131426868932007-10-07T13:22:00.000-06:002007-10-07T13:22:00.000-06:00Silus,This is a great message, thoughtfully prepar...Silus,<BR/><BR/>This is a great message, thoughtfully prepared. All parents would do well to read this and consider the implications in their relationships with their children. I've heard of many parents who simply never considered the possibility that a child is gay. Thanks for creating such a thoughtful resource for parents.<BR/><BR/>ddtAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15253421712073957528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12806254.post-15413368536476143322007-10-07T04:49:00.000-06:002007-10-07T04:49:00.000-06:00From where I sit, a parent's main message to a chi...From where I sit, a parent's main message to a child questioning his or her sexuality should be: <BR/><BR/> - "Gay, straight or none-of-the-above, you have our unconditional love, support and respect."<BR/><BR/> - "We will talk to you about this as much or as little as you want. We promise to listen and not try to tell you what to do."<BR/><BR/><I>Listening</I> is one of the most underappreciated parenting skills in LDS culture. <BR/><BR/>I hope your your correspondent connects with Family Fellowship. This is a great organization.MoHoHawaiihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15086670779804942122noreply@blogger.com